dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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