Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
