I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
