I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
