So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
