I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
