I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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