Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
