I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
