I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
