3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
