I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
