Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
