This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
