I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Found your dick twin last night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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