guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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