ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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