Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
