I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
