she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
