just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
