Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
