Small penises have feelings too.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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