I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
