Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
