i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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