shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
