Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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