Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it hurts more in the daytime
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
