So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
