The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
