I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I think I just sharted jello shots
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