I wish you could order shots online.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
