between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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