Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
