can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
