and you said cock pushups were impossible
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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