this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
