a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
