Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
