i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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