I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
