Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
