There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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