woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
