i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
