we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
