The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
