the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
