I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
