You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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