I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
