my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
